A city guy, who moved to the country, and now back to the city, and his musings on life, love, career, politics, jiu jitsu, and just about anything I can muster…yeah, it's gonna be Legen…wait for it…..

“…”

Hello everyone,

Had a few minutes to kill…time where actually setting to do something seems pointless because it’s such a short period of time.  I wonder if there’s an actual word for that time.  Hmm…

Anywho, just a note to say that I’m still alive.  Still here.  Embracing the grind and pushing through.  Been very stressed as of late…wondering when that will subside…if that will subside.  I never feel like I have enough time, and certainly have no time to do the things I really want to do…

…like Jiu Jitsu…

….or finishing my graduate school application…

…or blogging and engaging in discussions with you fine folks.

Well, on and ever upward in this journey.  Sometimes I feel like I see the end of the road.  Sometimes.

stress-unhappy-face-400x400

 

 

P.S.

I was just notified this is my 100th post on this blog.

Lighting the fire…

…so, I’ve adopted a new motto.  I’m hoping it’s a motto that will carry me through the next few months of work, which has for all intents and purposes sucked this year, and through all of the corresponding issues relating to that.  My boss has assured me that next year will be better, and that small glimmer is the only thing that has kept me from committing to my searches for other employment.

However, that motto is simple:

Embrace The Grind

So I recently began weight training for the first time in 2 years.  I also broke out one of my guitars, and have been spending 20-30 minutes daily enjoying that.  I’ve found those things keep my spirits high, and have kept me motivated from one day to the next.  Motivation has been so hard as of late, but rather than think “Fuck…this sucks”, I’m just gonna embrace the suck.  Turn something negative into something posititive…I’m just gonna embrace the grind.

 

Carefree

Sometimes….a good mood hits me.

That may seem like a strange statement, like it’s similar in frequency of occurrence like a believable siting of Sasquatch or something.

No…I’m in a good mood often, but sometimes you can be hit by a “really” good mood….and if often occurs at the strangest of times.

Sometimes it can be something you hear, or something you see.

Sometimes,  it could just be that your brain has successfully stored up enough seratonin to tip the scales in your favor for the moment.

Sometimes my good mood comes due to the simple absurdity of the situations that I find myself in, or the fanciful words that escape the mouths of babes…

…and sometimes, oddly enough, I find myself swept in the throes of a good mood because the alternative would probably be me forfeiting my career in a barrage of vulgar exultations, foot stomping, and possibly screams.

Today, a really pleasant person walked up to me.  They smiled, and gave me a huge hug, and we chatted for a few moments.

In the mood I’ve been in today, that was exactly what I needed.

The fact that the person in question is breathtakingly gorgeous is beyond the point.

Now, I hope this mood holds out as I move into an evening of grading…

…probably accompanied by music.

Auf Wiedersehen!

Naked with BikeRackTO

NO I.D.:

Saturday June 14, 2014 is the Eleventh Annual Naked Bike Ride Chicago. What better way to remind you as to share the photos from this beautiful young lady. I encourage you to check out her blog, To be a slut (http://wordpress.com/read/blog/id/19255285/)…and get ready to come on out for the ride. This will be my third year.

Originally posted on to be a slut:

The other day I went and did a naked bike shoot with the awesome folks who started BikeRackTO! (I’d Tap That did an interview with them which you can read here)  and yes, it was a tid bit nipply out, but so much fun! Get in touch with them through their twitter to get involved with this incredible project!

bike1

bike3

bike8Photo credit: Ren Bostelaar

 

Bike Disclaimer: Had gone to visit the guys who run this awesome project just to say ‘hi’. We got to talking about how I loved biking but due to the recent move back to the T-Dot hadn’t yet had a chance to get a bike amongst all other things to get. The Bike folks had an old spare in the back they let me use after I ensured them that even though I didn’t currently have access to a bike, I frequently walked everywhere.

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Daily Prompt: The Outsiders

Tell us about the experience of being outside, looking in — however you’d like to interpret that.

Photographers, artists, poets: show us OUTSIDE.

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“And you
bring me to my knees, again
All this time that I could beg you please, in vain
All the times that I felt insecure, for you
And I leave my burdens at the door

But I’m on the outside, I’m looking in
I can see through you, see your true colors
‘Cause inside you’re ugly, you’re ugly like me
I can see through you, see to the real you”
~ Aaron Lewis/Staind, “Outside”

Sometimes in life, you find yourself on the outside of situations which you so desperately wish you could be on the “inside” in…be in the know, be in the center of the action, or be “the party” if you will.

I took the above picture at the Garfield Park Conservatory here in Chicago.  It was taken on one of the coldest days in Chicago history.  I love the GPC because it’s always tropical inside, and it smells fresh…I imagine that since trees create oxygen, that has to be a thoroughly clean air environment.  It’s so unbelievably pleasant.

The young lady in the picture is a friend of mine.  She’s an amazing woman, both mentally and physically.  When I saw the subject of this prompt, this picture came into mind.  This picture perfectly captures how I feel in relation to this young lady…like an outsider, observing something beautiful  and momentous as it moves about around me.

As breathtaking as her exterior is, she has an even more intriguing and captivating mind.  I often feel so much of who she is is guarded from the naked eye.  I feel that as we communicate more, I’m constantly learning new and interesting things about her.  But I’ve never felt like I’ve gotten to the core of who she quite is.  I suppose that is something that will come with more time.

Which I suppose makes me smile…because she is someone that I genuinely enjoy spending time with.   I think it’s very safe to say that I have a crush on this young lady.  Her smile, her eyes, her lips, her laugh, the looks she gives me when I offer her moments of myself, uncensored, and unfiltered…

…this picture and this young woman, at this juncture, is to me, the epitome of being on the outside.  I wish I were on the inside, but I suspect that I never will be.  That’s life sometimes.  Some of us will always be outsiders.  I’m ok with that though.  I’ve been an outsider a majority of my life, and I’ve learned to embrace that role with a smile.

But sometimes, we wish for something different…

…and in this particular situation, I would love to be on the inside.

So normally, I am uber-excited to write my year in review and New Years Resolutions blog.  However, it just isn’t catching me this year.  I read my resolutions for 2013 and man…I feel like I failed on pretty much all of them.  A big part of that is that I allowed work to dominate so much of my life in the second half of this year.  I felt like I fell down the rabbit hole and just never saw light again.

Over my Christmas break, I thought about a lot of things, and what changes I need to make in 2014 to be a better person…dare I say, to be like my old self.  I was full of life, and zest, and joy, and found joy in just about everything around me…and I lost that.  I suppose I can’t blame my job for that, because it’s something I allowed to happen, despite what’s going on around me.  I used to be good at maintaining equilibrium…I’ve prided myself on that for so many years, and now, I just feel like I’ve been unable to do that.

Well, I’m changing that.  That’s my only true goal for 2014…to maintain equilibrium.  I’m sure I will add more things to this list over the next few weeks…I always do.  However, for now…I recently came across a posting on Facebook that totally changed the way I plan on approaching 2014.  So…

Resolutions for 2014:

1. Maintain Equilibrium - I am not going to lose myself in my work, or should I say, my personal life and well being will not suffer due to my work.  I simply refuse to do it.  Will my professional life suffer?  I hope not, but I’m done letting my emotional and physical well being suffer while in a thankless professional position that never really feels like it advances.

2. Free my heart from negativity – I found that I harbored a lot of negativity in the second half of this year that just drug me down, and clouded my mind, my heart, and consequently just about everything else in my life.  I’m just gonna let go.

3. Free my mind of worries – I’ve never been a worrier.  I don’t know when I started being such a worrier, but I’m over it.  It’s all about conscious decisions on where I allow my mind, thoughts, and energies go, and I’m over the worry.  As I always say, I’m gonna be ok, regardless.  I’m intelligent, talented, and willing to do what I need to do to get where I wanna go.  What do I have to worry about?

4. Give more – I’m a firm believer in a great way to spend life and times is to give to others.  This is something I want to do more in 2014.  That includes volunteering, as well as just helping people around me.  A friend and I are already planning a Free Hugs day this summer, as well as getting involved in some volunteering.  This will definitely be a year for that.  I’ve told myself for a while I wanted to go and volunteer at Paws (Puppies!!!), so yeah, I’m gonna make that happen this year.

5. Write a book – A bunch of people have badgered me over the last year that I should write a book.  I can’t say I agree in whatever it is they think they see in my writing, but for the time being, a good friend talked me into meeting what others think I’m capable of, as opposed to what I think I’m capable of..in the middle.  I’m going to write a children’s book.  Seems strange, but it’s something I want to do.  I love to create.  I was a musician for years.  I like creating art…and this is an opportunity to do just that.  However, I need to find an illustrator.  Well, let’s write the story first.  I suppose the rest will play itself out.  Can you imagine, me, a published author???  Well, you never know what 2014 may bring.  I already have a really cool story in mind.  Stay tuned.

6.  Run a 10-mile race – I’ve already signed up for it. So, to do this, I will actually have to run.  I hate running.  I’m going to do it.

7. Brazilian Jiu Jitsu – I want to train…more!  A lot more.  No more going 2 or 3 weeks without training, because of work.  Screw that noise.  My goal is to get in at least once a week, but I’m more likely shooting for twice a week.  That’s what I’ve done in the past, that’s what I plan to do in the future.  This is the one thing I love to do, so why shouldn’t I do it if it makes me happy.  In 2014, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is going to come first, work will come second.  Let’s see how that works out.

I’m pretty sure I’ll add more to this list over the next few weeks, but I think that’s a good start.  Lofty goals.  I’ve spent the last few days pretty mopey, but when I return to work in 2 days, I will smile, and hit the track running.  I think ultimately, I forgot one of the truest sentiments ever spoken:

“Don’t take life too seriously, because you’ll never make it out alive.”

And so….

…a few of my friends, over the years, have insisted that I should write a book.

I’m not exactly sure why, but it’s nice to know that some people think my writing is interesting enough that some people would pay for it.  I’m honored by the insinuation.

But today, a friend said something that initially I dismissed, but later peaked my interest:

“Since you’re so hesitant to write a novel, why not start with something small…like a children’s book.”

My first reaction was “WTF??? Who am I, Dr. Seuss?”

But then I let it twirl in my mind for a few hours.

And now, I’ve decided to write a book.

A children’s book

And it will probably have no profanity.

And so it has been spoken, so let it be done.

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