Love is a Battlefield…

…and you can say that again sister.

It’s  a treacherous, desolate wasteland, where alliances are made and broken on a whim, and the landscape is littered with the carcasses of those who dared venture into the fray.  Taking prisoners can be life threatening, so you leave them in the wake of your battle march….

Ok…maybe it’s not that bad.  Maybe.  It’s pretty crazy though.

So I recently got back into the world of dating.  Absolutely craziness…allow me to share several things:

1. I hate dating!

It’s like navigating a level 100 Sudoku puzzle.  It just seems like it’s rife with ambiguity.  You have two people, getting acquainted, and constantly advancing and parrying, all in the hopes of not being rejected, while trying to figure out if you want to spend more time with this person.  Are you saying too much?  Not saying enough?  It’s just such a strange social experiment, augmented by ever evolving and pervading social norms…many of which I feel so unfamiliar with…which brings us to point 2…

2. I’m no good at dating

I’ve just always met people in a very organic way.  “Hey, I’m Dion, and you are?”  etc, etc, etc.  However, in my current life, I don’t seem to meet many people in that way anymore.  I think most of us single people have the ideal in our head of meeting some stranger on the street, or at some event, at a museum perhaps.  But the reality of life is that we’ve become so estranged from each other, you say hello to someone even in a Starbucks and you’re 2 steps away from getting maced.  Those who know me know that I’m the kind of person that will say hello to just about anyone, and am quick to start up a conversation just about any place.  ”  I’m just very social like that.  But if you do that, you get that look that just screams “Creepy McCreeperton! So, if you can’t meet people in an organic fashion, where do you turn?

3. Online dating is a social experiment by mean people to watch nice people squirm like worms

The guy who came up with is a deeply subconscious sadist.  I’m sure he thinks he came up with a wonderful invention to bring people together, but deep down inside, he must derive some pleasure from seeing people virtually peacock it up.  Online dating is like virtual dating window shopping.

“Hey, that one looks nice.  Got all her teeth…5’4…hmm, kind of short, but does yoga.  Oh my…and she has a Bachelors degree…from Hoboken Community…but she sure looks nice in that dress.  Likes to travel, knit, and parasail…and works in marketing.  Hmm…I think I’ll throw her a wink and see if she winks back.”  

And so we engage in 21st century dating.  Neat, clean, orderly…and perhaps we’ll be a match.  Hell, Match says that we’re 89% compatible. That’s pretty damn good.
Online dating is the last bastion of hope for the young urban professional who doesn’t have time, or the inclination, to troll the bar scene or clubs, or hit up singles night at the Art Institue, Museum of Contemporary Art, or other fine institutions trying to bring like-minded individuals together.  So of course, I know what you’re thinking…”Don’t think about it. Just think, and let love find you.”  Right?

4. Love is deaf, dumb, blind, and I’m convinced suffers from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Perhaps it’s all the effects of climate change.  Perhaps he got caught up in the war fervor of the past decade.  Nonetheless, I’ve always found it interesting that in no segment of life do we think “If you wait, it’ll come to you” except for emotional connection with other people.  Not health, wealth, or happiness, do we ever think will simply come to us…but finding the most special of emotional connections, Love, will come if you just let it find you.  I sometimes think by the time it comes, I’ll be sitting on a street corner, brown bagging a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20, and singing Al Green songs…Wild Irish rose perhaps, but I’m sticking with the Al Green regardless.

Ultimately, I do know that all things will come in due time.  I also know that at this point, I can simply go with the flow of things, and enjoy the interesting and intriguing young ladies that I’ve been meeting since sticking my foot back in the dating pool.  We always have the choice to make positivity of the situation we find ourselves in, or we can change our situation, and I’m not quite ready to scare up a mail-order bride yet…so I’ll just enjoy the dating game.



2 thoughts on “Love is a Battlefield…

  1. Love it! Your post made me laugh, and I agree. Trying to get a date (preferably one who doesn’t freak out by being asked out on something as “serious” as a date) is like solving a rubix cube blindfolded.


  2. Thank you for the compliment. I spent the last 2 years living in rural Alaska, so there wasn’t too much dating going on there. Now I’m back in the city, I just feel so out of my element. You hit the nail on the head about the rubix cube. Kudos to you sir.


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