So, allow me to make reference to my favorite TV show in introducing you to this topic.
If you’ve never seen this show, see it immediately. It is awesome. Need I say more than NPH (Neil Patrick Harris)!!!!! There’s also Cobie Smulders, who has my vote for the sexiest woman on television…hands down! But anyways….
In Season 5, Ep. 16, HIMYM introduces the idea of being hooked. It’s something that’s crossed my mind many times over, but I suppose I didn’t have a term for it, or a solid definition to describe what I was experiencing. So what is this idea of being hooked?
Being hooked is when someone strings you along, not committing to you, but keeping you around, just in case…kind of like an old can of chili in the pantry.
“Umm…who’s buying can chili and not eating it immediately??? ”
But you get the idea…and I’m sure many of us have been in this situation. I’ve been there…more times than I care to admit to I suppose…on both ends of the spectrum.
I’ve been a hookee, and a hooker.
Being on someone’s hook can be set up in several fashions. It can be relatively blatant, such as a statement like,
“I can’t be with you…right now.”
“Right now paints a picture of some sort of magical future time when everything will work out. But the truth is, that will never happen.” ~ Marshall Eriksen
As I look back, I can think of hearing that statement, or very similar ones. However, I think even worse than using “right now” is when someone is simply non-committal about it all. Instead of saying
“NO! It’s not going to happen.”
they just float along. Not fanning the flames, but allowing enough oxygen to slowly feed the fire. They don’t shut the door, and yet don’t open it any wider, so you sit in a limbo, constantly pushing towards that magic moment when they realize how amazing you are, and they fall into your arms, or you into theirs, and everything is rainbows and lollipops…
…but that’s not reality is it? The reality is you spend weeks, months…dare I say years pining for someone who will never see the light that exists inside of you…because if it were to happen, it would’ve already happened.
If in reading those words, Forrest Gump comes to mind, you’re not alone. That’s the first thing that comes to my mind as I write them. Dangling from Jenny’s hook like he dangled from their tree as a child..swinging to and fro in the breeze..and when she finally turned her affection towards him, it was out of pity. The second time, in search of salvation. It’s sweet, and yet comically sad all at the same time. All’s well that ends well.
The worst hook for me is the hook that occasionally dangles sex off of it too…but never a relationship.
I recently had to pull myself off of someone’s hooks. I’m ashamed to say I dangled for years. And then it hit me, when I saw that she was hanging from someone’s hook as well. The man she loved, gone away..and there I stood…hanging, dangling.
You know, we should go out on a date…a real date. See if I can show you how great of a guy I am, and why you should consider me as boyfriend material.
We laughed, we giggled. We actually made lists and laughed…the attributes that made us wonderful relationship candidates..but in the end, it all fell on deaf ears.
Hopefulness and foolishness are such tight bedfellows. You never know which you’re bedding down with…they become so interchangeable.
And I got advice from an outside looking in. As I recounted things, they made a very simple statement.
You’re on that damn girls hook. You need to let that s**t go.
and let go I did. Sometimes you have to simply shut the door on feelings that you’d much rather revel in. And so, I made a list of public new years resolutions, and then I made a private list, just for me. On it…no drinking. I’m dry for 2013. Don’t hang on anyone’s hook. Face the fact that it won’t happen. Just be you, and be confident in that you are amazing.
So I’m off the hook for 2013. Liberation comes in so many forms. As I always say, on and ever upward…
So, are you on someone’s hook? Is anyone on yours?
If so…for their sake, let ’em off…