How Early is too Early???

So, when you’re dating, the inevitable eventually comes up:

SEX!!!

Now, this is probably that time in which I should say that I believe in waiting until marriage, so that you can be sure that you’re only being physically intimate with that special person that you plan on spending the rest of your life with.

I would also be lying.  Badly.  To you and myself, and I’m not going to lie to either.  Well, I’m very fortunate to have reached that point in my personal development in which I do realize that sex is not the end all, be all of a relationship.  However, I do think it’s pretty important.

Very important.

And I like it.

A lot.

Probably a little more than the average guy.  Ok…umm…maybe….not…umm…yeah, I do!

And in the game of dating with all it’s rules, mores, customs and caveats as to what is right/wrong and acceptable…

…the question must eventually come up about when is it too early to jump in the sack?

Now, let’s just go ahead and eliminate the “wait until marriage” argument now.

Not gonna happen.

Would you buy a car sight unseen?  How about without even having heard it started up?  How about without having sat in the drivers seat, and put your foot on the pedal, giving it a little gas to see how that baby purrs?

If you answered yes to any of those questions, you are either a fool, or you’re buying a Lamborghini Diablo.

1998_lamborghini_diablo-pic-10779

 Now yes, I would buy that car without any of the above.  It’s reputation precedes it.  In all other cases, I need to see what I’m  working with.  If we were putting that in human terms, that would be like Elisha Cuthbert walking into my classroom tomorrow and saying

“Hey! Let’s go get married right now!”

Elisha-Cuthbert-045Well, my firm belief in that situation is that the only acceptable response is

“YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Anywho, this topic came to mind because of a blog I read recently, it was posted by one of my regular reads currylove, the author of which is a 30-something single, Indian, female.  She’s very charming, and I truly enjoy reading her dating stories.  By starting this blog, I’ve come to find that I’m certainly not alone in my desires….or worries…or gripes, complaints, seeming successes that turn into dismal failures.

Isn’t love grand?

But recently, currylove was telling about a young man she’d met and gone out with.  I’m going to assume that since her blog is public, I’m not putting her business out in the street, but to make a long story short, she slept with him on the second date.

My reactions were actually mixed.  My first thought was

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW……YOU GO GIRL!”

and then my second thought was

“hmm….I wonder if that’s a bit quick?”

Now, I’m no puritan.  But I do often think that sex can complicate a dating situation.  For me, if I have sex with someone early on while dating, I then feel like if something goes wrong, and we stop dating, I kind of took advantage, even thought the decision was mutual.  Just feel like a snake oil salesman.

I assume the feeling is different for women.  You can use a man up and down till the cows come home, and 8 times out of 10 he’ll still be sitting there with a stupid grin on his face, excited to tell his boys of his adventures and exploits. Not too long ago, shortly before starting this blog, I was in a situation in which a second date (technically a second date, since the first one was pretty horrible and we’d agreed to the dreaded “friend zone”)  ended in sex.  After outing #3, and not hearing from her again, I was resigned to the fact

“I got used for sex.”  ( in a depressed voice)

which after about an hour became

“I got used for sex!”  (in a rather jubilant voice).

So, is there a set time you should wait, or should you just go with the flow of things?

What do you all think?

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7 thoughts on “How Early is too Early???

  1. Sex definitely complicates things and brings out spider web of emotions.. So ideally it would be better to wait.. Not until marriage but just until things settle down a bit and you’re more sure about your feelings toward the person.of course this is in an ideal world. In reality if you can make it pass the first or second date then kudos to you!

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  2. Dirty blonde says:

    Okay…flipside question…How late is too late? ….How long would you date someone who won’t sleep (isn’t sleeping) with you?….(they’re not no sex before marriage people…they’re just not… with no real explanation)

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    • Oh, now there’s an interesting question. Hmm…I suppose it depends on the situation. For me, there is just a moment when it feels “right.” If that moment is passed up on, then I start to get suspicious. There would definitely be an explanation, I tend to be very direct when my curiosity gets the best of me. I suppose the answer is, as B.B. King would say, when ‘the thrill is gone!”

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  3. First, thanks for the kind words 🙂 I definitely was worried I got played, but then got to thinking, well – who cares? I got what I wanted too, and although I would’ve wanted it more than just for one night, if he didn’t, I was fine with that (after a little breakdown) 😉 But… he got back in touch and we’re supposed to go out this weekend, so let’s see what happens. 🙂

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    • You’re very welcome. I know how you feel. I got played too. I was like “oh, that was amazing, I can’t wait to do that again” and then the woman disappears. Strange. I hope this weekend goes great. Look forward to hearing about it.

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  4. Okay, so here’s my deal with this. I’m not a puritan either by any stretch. But I think the mind of the male of the species works in a very particular way that we don’t necessarily realize or think about. It’s better for a woman to wait two weeks at least, but in general the longer the better if there’s actually the possibility for a real relationship. Why? Because, the way guys (mostly unconsciously) think is highly mathematical. So we meet a woman, and say 3 days later sleep with her. Then we start dating regularly. If they’re ever out of contact for 3 days or more the primitive but good-at-counting part of the male mind starts going berserk and assumes she’s cheating. It took YOU three days, so why wouldn’t some other dude be able to hit it in the same timeframe?

    It gets really bad when you try to turn a one-nighter from the club into a relationship. It took you two hours to bed her. So this poor chick can’t even go to work an 8 hour shift without her man’s reptilian mind assuming she’s 4 schlongs in the bag before she gets home. Yup, sad but true.

    Just wait. That way, if you do get married you can take a vacation without him and he’ll still trust you. Thus giving a smart lady the opportunity to get as much of your groove back as you want in 2 weeks or less and still come home to a loving dumbass.

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