In murky waters….

So, I had a rather interesting day.  As I sit here, a few moments removed from my outing, my mind is in a spin.

I hurt the feelings of someone I really like.  It was a moment of my mouth  moving as fast as my brain. But I didn’t say something I wasn’t feeling.  Strange…

So, I was asked by a friend if I would be interested in checking a couple of open houses, and either doing brunch or making chili afterwards.  The person in question is a lot of fun to be with, so I said sure.

So, after accepting the offer, I happened to mention my plans to my roommate, who answered with a pointed:

“I hope you said no!”

“Why would I say no?”

“Because that’s some s**t she should be doing with her man.  Brunch?  Really?  Brunch.:

So, this started a conversation in which I asserted that we’re just friends, etc, etc, and my roommate said something that got me to thinking:

“I don’t want to sound mean, but you are too nice.  You are playing “fill-in” because her man is either too busy, or doesn’t want to go.  That’s time you could be spending doing something where you might find a nice girl.  It’s cool to hang with friends, but you seem to have a habit of being used by women who use you until they have a man.”  

Hmm…I totally disagreed, but I suppose it got me to thinking.  I somewhat touched on this topic in my posting “Hooked”.

“I’m not a fill-in, I’m a friend.  It’s just an opportunity to hang out…nothing more, nothing less.”  That’s what I told myself.

And so the day went.  We stopped in to 3 open houses.  I saw some gorgeous condos.  It was funny how the real estate agents automatically assumed we were a couple.  Nope, just a friend.

So after that, we went to the grocery store, and got some ingredients for chili and cornbread.

And so we cooked.  We chatted, listened to music, laughed, and I danced.  I did find myself thinking ,

“Wow, it’ll be great to do this sometime with someone I’m actually in a relationship with”  but it was simply an idle thought.

So we ate.  The Chili was amazing. Vegetarian, and very delicious, as was the corn bread muffins…sooo yummy!

To make a long story short, on the way home, we were talking relationships, and FWB’s (Friends with Benefits) and an assortment of things when she said,

“At this point, you are totally my success story for”

I simply replied, “I’m not your success story”

and all of the previous thoughts zoomed through my head.  Ultimately, in retrospect, what I was feeling was rejection.  I suppose none of us are impervious to that feeling that you weren’t good enough.

“We are friends, right?”  she said.

“For now” I said.

Unfortunately, that reply hurt her feelings, which I regret.  I didn’t mean it as it came out.  I think it was a knee jerk reaction to the feeling of rejection.

But maybe I am on the hook.  We never realize when we have someone on a hook, nor is it easy to recognize when you’re dangling off one.

I do know at this moment that the next time a woman from  sends me a message saying

“I think we should be friends”

my reply will be “no.”

And to top it all off, at this point I have no plans for Valentine’s Day.  🙂


So, am I crazy, and making up these things in my head, or are my thoughts realistic and valid?


9 thoughts on “In murky waters….

  1. Erica says:

    Those were your feelings and you had a right to say them. You know what you need and you can not hope that the person that you are with feels the same. I hope you know that your a good catch and anyone would be lucky to have you! I am a very lucky girl to know you apart of my circle!


  2. Ouch. That sounds so hard. I’m sure if she is as good a friend as you are, she’ll forgive you for letting something like that slip. (After all, it is Valentine’s Day week and I’m sure she can understand why you might not be 100% yourself!!)


  3. Yep, you got hooked. I get hooked all the time, too. It sucks. What do we do about it?

    And WSK, I had forgotten that V-day was this week in me excitement over the much more important holiday (Pitchers and Catchers Report).


  4. Dirty blonde says:

    Ok…I guess I’m the hooker in this situation?….(thinking back you did offer to be my pimp…should that have been a warning sign to me?) Well…I’m sorry, I was unaware that that was an issue between us. I guess I’m a bit dense or slow…I didn’t realize. I actually thought you were on someone else’s hook.
    Your comment did hurt my feelings but, I actually took it that you liked me less than a friend than more than a friend. You know because you’re always kinda laughing at me and making fun of me…I kinda thought you were getting at…I’m your monkey or court jester or someone around for your amusement until you get bored. So, yes I felt a bit wounded. I’m happy to have met you because I think you’re awesome, I have fun with you, and I was glad to have found what I thought was a new cool friend in you. You’re not a fill-in anymore than my mom was when she joined me on a similar outing a few weeks ago. Friends are important to me and I sincerely appreciate the people I keep in my life. I’d like to count you as a friend, but I guess you have to decide what you’re comfortable with. I certainly had no intentions of hooking you or messing with you and…ugg…now I’m thinking about how I babble on about my boyfriend to you….I don’t know what to say. I’ve been on the hook before and …it sucks….and to anyone else reading this….I’m sure he’ll like me less once he gets to know me….I can be really unpleasant…and I apologize for the long reply


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