Video

Hitting Rock Bottom

I happened to come across this video this evening while scrolling through Facebook. I can say that it hit really close to home. I even got a little teary eyed.

The one thing that resonated with me the most was the reiteration that many people fall on hard times.

Well, I’ve been really embarrassed to find myself in the situation that I am one of those people.

Five days ago, my car was repossessed. In reality, I suppose that is the tip of my financial woes. In addition, I have somewhere in the neighborhood of $30,000 in student loan debt.

I quit my secure and relatively high paying job because it was crushing my soul. I now work a job that pays less than 50% of the aforementioned job.

I don’t consider those last two things negatives. My soul is no longer being crushed.

In addition, I actually have a new job that I begin February 9th. I will be making $13,000 more than I’m making now, and my employer and I will discuss a raise, based on performance in 6-9 months.

I consider that a blessing. I consider everything in my life up to this moment a blessing. I have a roof over my head. I’m living with family currently, which is in my opinion a worst case scenario. We’re such different people, and 80% of the time we don’t get along. But, it’s still a place to lay my head, and the rent is a quarter of what I was paying.

I have a friend who is waking up at 3am to give me a ride to work this morning, which I start at 5am. How amazing is that?

I’ll follow my work day with a 2.5 hour bus/train ride home. But I’m thankful that public transportation at least goes out to my job, which is firmly outside of the city limits.

For the time being, my Brazilian Jiu Jitsu training will be put on hold. This is probably the most painful part of my current situation. Jits keeps me sane, particularly in my current living situation. It keeps me level, plus the health benefits. But, I think I will simply up my winter biking to compensate. Or walking…or yoga maybe.

I have a job. I just found a better job. I have food to eat.

But the embarrassment of hitting rock bottom financially…my pride has taken a beating on this one.

In addition, I have no idea how I’m going to get my car back, and I actually need my car for my new job, which will entail traveling all over the city to different schools. I’m sure I’ll figure it out. I suppose I always do.

And watching this video, as well as talking with my good friend Lori, helped me deal with the shame I’ve been dealing with this week. She is the first person I’ve told about my car. Tomorrow, I will tell the woman that I tutor for I won’t be able to tutor until I get this situation figured out.

Hopefully tomorrow I’ll be able to finally get in contact with my accounts manager at the finance company and see exactly my options for resolving this situation. They haven’t been very helpful.

I realize I’m not a failure. I feel like one, but I knew that my choices could potentially result in less than desirable outcomes. Such is life at times.

So, lots of people struggle. Lots of people are having hard times, many way worse than anything I have to deal with. I realize that, and my heart goes out to those people, to people sleeping on cold streets tonight, or in shelters, or in their cars. I’m also thankful for what has come my way, and those things that I have to look forward to.

I’m also very thankful for the people in my life who accept me as I am, in all my woeful flaws.

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20 thoughts on “Hitting Rock Bottom

  1. Times are not easy and very often there is not much you can do. You are right. You are not a failure. I am sure you are on the right path. Keep it up! And thanks for sharing everything here and for sharing the clip.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. That video had me sniffling a bit. Aren’t people kind! Restores one’s faith a little.
    Good luck with your own stuff. Hope you can shadow train BJJ or find a solo activity to keep in shape until it all comes together.
    Honest and touching post.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. The Mama With Bipolar Disorder says:

    As a recovering drug addict and alcoholic, I’ve hit quite a few emotionally damaging bottoms. Today I’m facing financial woes too. May get evicted from my apartment, in severe credit card debt, and I’m very stressed. But I’m trying to look at the positives. Thanks for this post!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. The people on the video were amazing and restores one’s faith in human nature. Our budget is extremely limited, but we are doing OK, for which I count my blessings, as I have never found myself in such a situation. I wonder if people in the UK would be so generous?

    Liked by 1 person

    • I would agree about the video. There are good people out here. I’d like to think we’re cultivating a population of them right here. I’ve never been to the UK. I’m sure people there would be just as generous. A dear friend of mine lives there, and she has a heart of gold.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I hope you do figure out the car situation before you start your new job. You are not alone. It will work out. You’ll have to struggle for a bit but you know that. It will all be worth it in the end and your soul is so much more important than money. Once upon a time I had a car repossessed, too. The kids (3) and I survived. We all made it and I think we’re all stronger for it. You’ll make it too. Sending positive energy out your way!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Sending you lots of hugs.
    Many of us have been here in one way or another. Currently my student loan debt is being paid in $25 increments that is being garnished from my wages. For me that was a blow – like ‘you are so irresponsible that we have to TAKE the money you owe’ and with my pay being less than $12k/year, that’s a lot of money! I’m trying to get into an amnesty program that Obama set up soon.
    I digress.
    we’ve all been there and this is not rock bottom, even though for you it kinda feels like it. You said yourself you have a roof over your head and you are wealthy with friends and that will carry you through. Plus it’s all on the up&up with this new job. Everything is going to be okay and it will turn around. Remember stem your bike was stolen? It came back. Your car will too and you will be resilient and awesome like always.
    go listen to some Kid President pep talks and get back on the horse.
    ♡♡♡

    Like

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