Hey WSJ, May I have a word with you?

I can’t really think of an academic way to say exactly what I’m feeling, so I’m just gonna go ahead and say it the way we’d say it here in Chicago:

Wall Street Journal…why don’t you get off of McDonald’s nuts…quite frankly, it’s unbecoming.

OK!  I got that out of my system.

So, let me restart this with something slightly snarky, yet pithy…like…

“Hey WSJ…how about you pry your lips off of McDonald’s happy meal.  They aren’t going hungry, but some of us working people are!”

Ah…much more appropriate.

So, a few days ago, an acquaintance on Facebook posted an Op-Ed from The Wall Street Journal, posted on Oct. 22, 2014.

Minimum Wage Backfire

I can describe this exquisite piece of…umm…literature….as nothing more than a love letter, sympathizing with the plight of the beloved Golden Arches, which saw a 30% decline in quarterly profits on a 5% drop in revenues.

30%  That’s crazy right?  Well, let’s take a look at concrete numbers…

That 30% decline brought McD’s to a reported profit of $1.07 billion, vs. $1.52 billion reported a year earlier. (source: USA Today: McDonald’s earnings ugly; shares fall)

Well, McDonald’s is an international company, so $1.07 billion really isn’t that much money.  I mean, taking into consideration employees around the world, they’re making peanuts right?

Well actually, the CEO of McDonald’s is payed approximately $9,247/hour.

$9,247  AN HOUR!!!!

While, the average McDonald’s employee makes an hourly wage of $7.73

The CEO makes over 1,000 times the hourly wages of his sales associates.  (source: Business Insider: McDonald’s And Starbuck’s CEOs Make More Than $9,200 An Hour)

Unless you are simultaneously curing cancer and AIDS while saving kittens from burning buildings, there is not an occupation in which both feet are firmly on the ground, that warrants being paid $9,000+ dollars an hour.

Unlike the WSJ, I have no f***ing sympathy for McDonald’s.

So, the WSJ goes on to say how, because of the call for a higher minimum wage, McDonald’s is justifiably turning to increased automation as a way to save money….by cutting their labor force.

While I don’t want to make this discussion too broad, facts are facts.  The fact of the matter is that a 2012 study found that if the minimum wage kept in stride with increases in productivity, it would be approximately $21.72. (source: Huffington Post: Minimum Wage Would Be $21.72 If It Kept Pace With Increases In Productivity: Study)

Could McDonald’s pay higher wages?  Yes!
Would that be to the detriment of the CEOs multi-million dollar salary?  Yes!

The minimum wage won’t be the downfall of McDonald’s. Greed will be the downfall of McDonald’s.

Please allow me to borrow from the ideals of Ms. Jenna Duffy, who proposed in her April 25, 2015 Op-Ed, “After Refusing To Change Their Ways, McDonald’s Will Close Hundreds of Stores This Year”

McDonald’s detriment is that they spent years trying everything they could to not pay employess livable wages, while offering low-qulaity caloric nightmares that has led to countless health and wellness issues.

Then they discounted their own product by offering an extra value and dollar menu, and then try to swank it out by offering overpriced frappes and lattes, that their current customer base can ill-afford….and then wondering why they can’t coax more affluent customers into their doors.

Furthermore, in a recent survey by the Nation’s Restaurant News, McDonald’s ranked in at number 110 out of 11 restaurants, only beating out Chuck E. Cheese.  It also bears to question whether there is a correlation between In ‘N’ Out Burger ranked number 1, while also being known for paying a higher than minimum wage to its employees?

In Chuck E. Cheese’s defense, at least they have a salad bar.

In the highly competitive field of fast food, it would honestly be a blessing in disguise if McDonald’s shuttered for good.  The resultant lost jobs would surely be absorbed by some other company, who would more than likely offer a better product, and hopefully, having learned the lesson of the fallen, offer a higher wage.

McDonald’s wants to right the sinking ship they’re bobbing along upon?  I have a first step for them.  Drop the CEO’s pay by 50%.  Then maybe you’ll have a few extra shekel’s to pay your employees a decent wage.

Step 2) Serve real meat and potatoes you jerks. I’m talking something that changes colors when left under my car seat for more than 2 weeks.

While the Wall Street Journal can put loyalty to corporate fat cats before common decency and fairness to ones fellow man, I have no such allegiance.

I would like to conclude by putting the WSJ in line, right next to Paul Ryan, in the growing list of people who can kiss my hard working ass.

Hang your heads in shame gentleman….

….in shame.

Good day.

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