So I have a date tomorrow with an old friend. She is single for the first time since we’ve met, and came to the realization that there is a mutual romantic interest. I’m nervous, which is a liberating feeling. I really want it to go well, I’ve been interested in this young lady a long time. Any dating advice for a first date with an old friend?
So my assignment, which I’m late in completing, is to publish a post to my dream reader.
I find this to be a daunting task, as I’ve never had a “dream reader” in mind. I have certainly had posts that were directed at one person or another, but never really gave much thought as to who my ideal reader would be. My blog is so varied, I don’t think I could nail one down. It’s a reflection of my life, which is up and down, topsy turvy, and fast-paced.
However, as I thought more about it I suppose dating, and my search for “love” is a recurring theme in my blog.
So, I suppose this post will be in that vein. To that young lady, who would dare take a chance on a guy like me. Allow me to offer a few clarifications on who I am, what I want, and what’s going on in my mind.
First and foremost, I am a romantic. I love romance. flowers, candles, handholding, kissing, cuddling… I love all of that stuff. Let’s stay in on a Friday night, cuddling under a huge blanket, watching a movie and sipping cocoa. Let me read to you, as you lie your head on my chest, and I play with your hair. Don’t be shocked if you wake up some mornings and find me watching you sleep. I imagine you look peaceful, and serene, and occasionally I went to take that in, and appreciate that beautify and serenity as a perfect counterpoint that the world presents to us everyday.
I want us to be teammates, and best friends, as well as lovers. I think a key part of that is honesty and communication. I want to be able to tell you anything and everything, and you do the same. I find in so many relationships, both mine and others, there’s so many secrets kept. Let’s not have any. Share your thoughts, hopes, dreams, worries and frustrations with me, and I will try hard to do the same. You have a crush on a sexy new guy at work? That’s cool. Come home and tell me all about it. I’ll do the same when I develop a crush on someone at work. Then we can use that fire, excitement, and tension to make our relationship hotter, which brings me to my next point…
…I love sex… and you should too. I’m extremely comfortable in my sexuality, and yes, you should be too. I’m extremely heterosexual, but I’m open to you exploring whatever it is that you feel you need to explore. I personally think that monogamy is an unnatural impulse at the least, and a time bomb waiting to happen at the most, but I have no problem being in a monogamous relationship, especially if it is for you.
You aren’t my first love. I have had several in my life before you came along, and I don’t want to have to lie to you about that either. I’d love to share some of those stories with you. I’d love to hear yours too. I wanna tell you about the women who broke my heart, as well as the lessons they taught me. All of those stories will have brought me to you.
I have tons of weaknesses. I have strange insecurities sometimes. I have quirks. I think life should be lived for joy, and passion, and not for money and security, so sometimes that brings a tumultuous nature to my life, and yes, sometimes I may need you to be a voice of reason and grounding, but sometimes I want you to push me…to live…to find my joy, and I want to share all of that with you. I want us to push each other, to be better people, in all facets of life.
Finally, you have to enter into this relationship knowing that I have a mistress, and her name is Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. She is beautiful and exciting, and she does many of the same things for me that you do. I’d love for us to all get together for a 3-way, but if you’ re not interested, know that I will give you both equal time.
And in a nutshell… that’s me. That’s us.
And to end this aimless diatribe, let me share two songs that I’d like us to dance to together sometime. Enjoy!
Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to find the above video on Youtube, so I included a link to the video on Facebook, which you all may or may not be able to view. So, allow me to offer you a brief synopsis:
A female Applebee’s employee with an attractive physical form (her face is blocked by a black bar) is outside her place of employment handing out coupons for a drink special they are having. A guy, modestly dressed, definitely a bit geeky, approaches her. He appears to be nice, intelligent (mentions a fact about the heat that he read in the days paper), and respectful. He compliments her and asks her if he can have her phone number. The next thing you hear is the resounding thud as he is shot out of the sky after several attempts, even offering just to take her out as friends.
So, up comes another guy, nowhere near as smartly dressed, and starts off the conversation with
“Yo, what’s good ma?”
From there he’s skinning and grinning, complimenting her “Does the free drink come with you? You teasing me ma! You look good. You look as good as a drumstick.”
So, he proceeds to entice her up the street to a secluded spot, where they exchange a few kisses, and finally end with a handjob, where he nearly entices her to lick the tip.
LICK THE TIP?!?!?!?!?
So, after busting in her hand, the guy takes off his sunglasses and do rag, revealing he’s the geeky guy from earlier. He then tells her she’s been exposed as a shallow, crazy chick who wouldn’t give her number to a nice guy, but will beat off a thug.
Now, I have no idea if the video is authentic or staged. Nor do I know it’s origin, but I do know it’s real, because I’ve fucking lived it.
I like to think of myself s a pretty nice guy. I have my faults, dear lord do I have faults. But I always try my best to treat those around me with respect, especially women. And no, I’m not always successful, but it’s something I strive for.
And in the past, I have been accused by women I was getting acquainted with that I was “too nice.”
Well excuse me for not asking you to beat me off between the salad and the main course.
I’ve also seen guys, some of them uncouth, some of them downright dirtbags approach the exact same women, with astounding success.
I’ve even done. I’ve put a couple of drinks in, and set out to just be that dude that I pretty much hate, and before you know it, the women are begging to go home with you.
Hmm… after a while, you have to start to believe the trend, and perhaps offer a moment of silence to the nice guy.
We may not be the most fashion forward individuals. We may not even be dripping with sex appeal and machismo… but hot damn it, we’ve got charisma, and we’re nice… and nice ain’t half bad.
- We won’t cheat on you.
- We won’t hit on your friends behind your back.
- We will treat you with dignity, honor, and respect, and as an equal, and not a possession or commodity.
I simply think about the women I KNOW and the tales of douchebaggery I’VE HEARD, and it boggles my mind.
And I’m the single one.
Well, that is probably for the best, because tomfoolery and I shall not be bedmates…
…SHALL NOT BE BEDMATES!!!
So guys, have you noticed this trend as well?
Ladies, have you found yourself passing up on “nice guys” to date a “bad boy”, or a nice “fixer-upper” of a guy?
Much to our chagrin, I’m still here.
I’ve been super busy. I always wondered how someone worked 80 or 90 hours a week…
….I now know. Working 5, 15-hour days breeds some strange thoughts…
…I’m looking forward to this weekend.
Also, in new news…
…went on 2 dates with a delightful young woman.
…she called me last night and gave me the “it’s not you, it’s me”…
…and in comes the question which we all hate to ask…
….is it me?
So you may recall me mentioning Jules in a previously post. She was the slightly quiet, reserved young lady that I went out to coffee with, but whose company I really enjoyed. Well, last week we did a date #2.
I was planning to go and view an outdoor movie downtown. It was actually a video of Muddy Waters and The Rolling Stones performing together at a blues club here in Chicago in 1981. Actually, Muddy Waters was performing, and the Rolling Stones, to whom he was a huge influence, came in. Before you know it, the Rolling Stones was up on stage as the back up band, and Keith Richards was accompanying Muddy on vocals. Amazing right??
So, I invited Jules, and she accepted. I thought it would be a good chance to talk and chat, but have something going on around us in case of moments of awkward silence, which kind of hit us a bit on our first date. Well, I’m not sure how awkward they were…Jules strikes me as the kind of person who is totally ok with moments of silence between people…but then again, she could be thinking “Why doesn’t he say something”. Hard to tell.
So, we met up outside of the Chicago Cultural Center. We planned to grab some dinner and take it over to the movie with us. In the course of conversating, we agreed to grab Chipotle, and then bounce over to Mariano’s for snacks and wine.
Well, the movie was fabulous. The interaction between Jules and I was great as well. She’s definitely hard to read…mousy in a way, but she’s very sweet. I enjoy hearing her views on things,and her stories. She spent a few years in Africa teaching for the Peace Corps. She, much like myself, has an adventurous spirit. I really like that. That’s a necessity for me in anyone I plan on dating.
After the movie, I walked her back to her train, and we chatted and laughed. Once we got to the station, I said “Well, I had a great time, and I’d really like to see you again.” She agreed, and we hugged. I was totally going to leave it at that. I didn’t want to push anything, but as we separated, she definitely moved into position for a kiss…and we kissed. So, second date, 1st kiss, and it was very pleasant.
And so, we’re having a 3rd date tonight. Since I planned the last date, this one is up to her, and she was still thinking it over as of last night. We’ll see what happens.
Seems like it’s been so long since I’ve blogged here. I swear I’m not a total slacker…I’ve just been keeping on the move. I suppose I’m prepping for the summer. I tend to always be on the run in the summer. I’m definitely one of those people who needs a vacation from their vacation. I’m trying to learn to slow down a bit. It’s a process.
So, last week, I had 2 dates.
The first one was with a beautiful woman who we will call J. J was tall, and beautiful. Much like me she worked in education, which was excellent. I think someone who works in education as well can understand what I go through from day to day at work, and can also offer a healthy perspective to keep me from getting too stressed out about things.
So we were supposed to meet and go to one of my favorite cafes. However, I ended up training before we were to meet. I was super hungry and remembered seeing in her profile that she loved Mexican food…so I suggested we get dinner at a Mexican restaurant that I love.
Dinner was great. Conversation was easy, and we laughed lots. In addition, I was very attracted to J. Beautiful smile, extremely intelligent, a musician, she enjoys working out and we seemed to have similar views on a myriad of other topics. I felt a really good vibe between us. As we parted….
….ok, so I never know what to do about the end of the first date. Do you go for the kiss? How do you know if you should? I’m horrible at reading the signs, or vibes. That is so not my thing, so I went in for a hug. The hug lingered longer than a hug normally does.
It was nice…warm…I love hugging. As we stood there, I squeezed a bit, and felt her body press into mine. It’d been a while, and I so enjoy that feeling. We pulled away, and both smiled, I told her I had a wonderful time, and she would hear from me again soon.
It was only 2 days later that I received the following message:
I also had a nice time the other night. I have to tell you I’m having a weird situation where you remind me so much of an ex that, while I know you’re your own person & it’s unfair to put that on you, it’s really about what it’s making me feel & what it’s bringing up in my mind & heart.
I hope you understand that I think you’re funny & sweet but I think the connection is not set up for success or a fair shake. Does that make sense? Some real life crap getting in the way of fun…
Please do take care,
Now normally, rejection doesn’t bother me at all. I’m a firm believer that I may be simply too cool for many women to handle (see what I did there?)..such is life. However, I was bummed out when I read that message. I was really looking forward to seeing her again, and getting to know her better.
And so, a few days later, another date was arranged. This one was with Jules. We’d exchanged a few emails, and after she had initially cancelled our first meeting, we planned to get together for coffee. Starbucks. Simple.
And so we met. Upon initial impression, she was pretty. Looked a bit different from her picture on OKcupid, but not in a bad way. In conversation, she later commented that it was a slightly older pic and that she should update it. So, we walked and chatted.
Now, this date was different from the one with J. Jules seems much more reserved…quiet perhaps. She definitely had a much more “suburban” sensibility about her. Anyone who knows me knows that I can be a bit loud at times, and very animated, and I laugh..lots. Jules doesn’t seem to have that kind of personality, which worried me as the conversation proceeded. I know that my personality can be a bit “much” if you’re not prepared for it.
I am the king of TMI!
there were also moments where there was silence. Usually on a first date, this is considered a bad thing. I found myself making very general comments to move the conversation along. I had the feeling I weirded her out with my outgoing personality. However, as we talked, I found that we had a lot in common. She also had a very cute sense of humor.
She totally made me laugh my face off when she said, “So, is Brazilian Jiu Jitsu like that martial art where they fight with the sticks?” I’ve heard people ask if it’s like karate, or tae kwon do, or wrestling, but stick fighting? That was a new one, and she took the mild ribbing I offered her in good spirit, and it turned out she was referring to Capoeira, which at high levels will use sticks. While I feared that we might be incompatible due to our differences in “energy” if you will…I did think she was very nice company, and she actually did lift my spirits, which were a little low during the day.
I had planned to attend training that evening, so she actually walked me over to the academy. When we got there, I was pretty sure I’d give her a hug, thank her for the company, and emailing her the next day with no hopes of there being a date #2…and then she said
“So, I’d really like to see you again.”
I actually responded with “Yeah?”
to which she smiled, giggled, and said “Yeah!”
I told her that I would like that, and I gave her a hug, and we parted ways.
I look forward to a second date. Perhaps someone not like me is what I need. Perhaps not. It’ll be nice to explore with someone who is different from me, but not so different that they think I’m a freak…or vice versa.
Well time will tell. However, it was a nice change of pace, and I suppose we shall see where the future leads.
…so, let me start by saying that I had a date last week. I believe it was last Wednesday. I can’t quite remember the same day.
Also let me say that that is all I really care to say about that. She was pleasant. Definitely not my type. Just seemed kind of…pessimistic. I also was not the least bit attracted to her.
I did however, totally turn her on to Jamba Juice, which she’d never had before. She has since texted me to let me know that she’s had it again.
Rock on! At least someone is being brought together through my endeavors.
So, I have recently started a profile on OkCupid. I must admit that I like it more than Match.com. I’m not sure if it’s going to be more “productive” in my social life, but time will tell.
I have however, ventured into other avenues in hopes of meeting people, and such. A friend mentioned to me that she used a site called meetup.com, which is not a dating site, but rather a site to be out and about with like-minded people, which I often try to do.
So, I went on my first meetup.com outing this past weekend, and it was fabulous. I went on an Art Walk in Grant Park, which is one of my favorite parts of the city.
I literally saw things that I didn’t know existed, although I spend tons of time in that area. Sometimes, we literally need someone to say “Hey! Stop! Look at this!” to realize the beauty that is around us, in architecture, art, sculpture, or just natural surroundings.
In the midst of this excursion, I met a really cute young lady. I didn’t ask her age, but I sensed that she was younger than me…perhaps mid 20’s. She was Chinese and worked for a company doing educational research, which I found very interesting considering my chosen profession. We spent the entire walk chatting, and talking over the art we saw. Afterwards we went with a group to get lunch, and she had to depart early, but I gave her my number, and she said she would call me.
I kind of really hope she calls.
I’m looking forward to the next walk, which will be in another very historic part of the city. I’m so excited! I love Chicago history.
Aside from that, life goes on. I sometimes feel like I’m on a train headed to nowhere in particular…and usually I love the ride, but some moments I just want to stop and get off.
I’ve also been talking credit with my class, and we did some searches for houses. I saw a place in River City that would cost less than $900 monthly. Up until this moment, I’ve never had a desire to OWN my own residence.
I hope I haven’t been bitten by the “I want to buy a condo bug”.
God help us all.
….and so, Jocelyn and I have decided to just be friends. MMM Hmmm….
…in other news, on Sunday, I had a very unexpected kiss with a very pretty young lady, and I really liked it. Unfortunately, WhenStrangersKiss, she wasn’t a stranger!
….I also met a very cute woman later the same day. She struck up a conversation with me while I was sitting on a park bench eating lunch. More accurately, she started apologizing for her big fluffy dog trying to get at my sandwich, but a conversation ensued. Turns out we’re both Army veterans, and she relocated to Chicago a few years ago. I enjoyed our conversation, and when she took her sunglasses off and I saw her eyes, I was totally like “Interesting!” However, I totally choked in the clinch. I always think “Hey, let me give you my number” or “May I have your number” always sounds so cheesy and cliche, and intrusive in an odd way…I’m strange, but she made mention of Facebook, so I gave her my name, and told her to hit me up. It does happen to be my primary mode of communication with large swaths of my circle of friends and acquaintances…it’s efficient. Afterwards I felt like a dillweed and totally said “Man, I should’ve gave her my number!” Lesson learned. Well played nerves…well played indeed.
Just as a quick update, I texted Jocelyn yesterday, asking how her day was going…I knew she had a busy day, but we were supposed to get together later in the evening.
She replied she was doing well, and then she dropped it on me…
“We need to talk.”
It’s been a minute since I posted. I will attribute this to “Spring Break!” For those of you who don’t know, I’m a teacher. So, I had a great time living it up. I was out and about a lot…particularly training Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. If you don’t know what that is, Google it! It is the most beautiful martial art ever conceived of, and proven probably the most effective martial art in the world…that won’t land you in jail on a 10-25 murder rap.
So, things have been going well. Tonight I actually have date 3 with Jocelyn! Yes, you’ve not heard of Jocelyn, because I’ve been slacking. Also, I’m actually pretty happy to say that we did not meet on Match.com. Not that there is anything wrong with Match, but I haven’t had much sustained luck there.
We met on Facebook actually. A friend’s wife hijacked his page, and posted a long comment about how excited he was to take a vacation with his beautiful, sexy, funny wife, etc, etc, etc. I then commented:
“My only question is, does she have a single sister?”
At which point Jocelyn commented
“No, but she has some awesome single friends who are almost as funny.”
and I commented, and she commented, and then I got a message. It was all pretty cute actually, and I remember debating if I should message her and ask if she was one of the single friends she was referring to.
Date #1 went great. We met at Argo Tea (I cannot overstate enough how much I love Argo Tea. If I should ever get in a financially advantageous position, I plan on buying stock in that company!) It went fabulously, and after almost 2 hours, I asked her if she cared to have dinner with me.
She suggested the place, an excellent Thai restaurant. Lo and behold, we walk into the place, and I immediately recognize Samwell sitting at one of the tables. If you don’t know who Samwell is, he is a musician who became an internet sensation with his video “What What In The Butt!”
Don’t ask me why a totally hetero guy would immediately recognize a gay internet sensation, but that’s Chicago! I didn’t want to weird my date out though, so I didn’t ask for a picture (totally should’ve asked for a picture).
Dinner was great. Conversation came easy, and we laughed tons. It ended with a kiss on the cheek (from me to her) and a hug, and a mention of a date #2.
Date #2 was a little under a week later. We went to an amazing mexican restaurant near where I train Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Mexican is her favorite food (she is from California), and she loved it. She said the Sangria was some of the best she’d ever had also.
After dinner, we walked to a square not far from the restaurant. I then told her that we should dance. This was my attempt to find an acceptable way to invade her personal space a little bit. She was laughing, but she went with it. I put on tango music on my phone, and we danced in this square, with people walking by and such, but i was oblivious. I was having a genuinely good time. Then I searched waltz on Spotify and came up with “Waltz for Koop.” I’d only ever heard one Koop song, so I put it on….LOVED IT!!!
From there, we waltzed, and laughed, and chatted a bit. Then she suggested a song called “Breathe” by Telepopmusik…very romantic song.
And we danced, cheek to cheek…I could hear her breathing deepen, and I could feel a first kiss coming…and then…
It took me a second to react. We both turned, and noticed a young guy, on a bicycle, well dressed, standing there.
“I hate to disturb you, but I have a question. I was riding by, and saw you all, and you’re holding each other so close, and you look like there’s a lot of love between you.” (AWKWARD!)
“I wonder what advice you could give to someone like myself, who has a hard problem maintaining a relationship?”
To make a long story short…a 30 minute story actually, this guy was 21, lost his virginity at 16, and has been “sleeping with ho’s” ever since. Once he meets a woman, he’s interested, and then once he sleeps with her, he loses interest…except for this current woman he’s dating. She is different, and he wants to make sure he doesn’t mess things up.
It was an interesting conversation. It was heartfelt. Kind of crazy, and tons of overshare. We both offered advice from male and female perspective, and finally parted company.
“Now, I finally have a witness to the kinds of crazy I encounter on a daily basis. I attract that kind of stuff!”
But Jocelyn was totally cool with it, and we walked arm in arm down the road, I hailed her a cab, and we had our first kiss.
So tonight is date #3. Should be interesting.