Let me start by saying that NOTHING ABOUT THIS POST IS SAFE FOR WORK!
I must admit that I’m enjoying this Blogging 101 course thus far. It’s definitely helped open my eyes to some of my fellow bloggers, and their awesome writing and insights. There’s so much to read…and enjoy.
So, today’s assignment is to write a post that builds on one of the comments from my last assignment.
Well, I must admit that I went a little comment crazy for my last assignment. As I said, there are so many intriguing blogs out there, on a large variety of topics.
So, of the blogs and blog posts that caught my eye, the one I found the most amusing was The Mad Musing of Scruples McGee. I’m still reading posts and trying to figure it out. But it’s definitely very humorous, and the authors favorite tv show is “Sex in the City,” so she must be a cool character. It’s open, honest, and spans a large range of subject matter from what I can tell. I really enjoy blogs that are varied. Much like my own, I enjoy blogs whose subject matter is simply dictated by what the author may have encountered on a given day, or what they are experiencing in their life.
So, as I was scanning blogs, the title Morning sex, really? caught my eye. Who am I kidding…of course it caught my eye. Some people like 50 Shades of Grey; I prefer to hear real people dishing their laundry. And notice I didn’t say dirty laundry. There’s nothing dirty about sex…well…ok, sometimes it can be dirty…yet I digress. It’s a natural act. But anyways….
…the first thing I saw was this:
Now, I don’t even think I can accurately convey how much I love this meme. Generally speaking, I think it hits all the bases. The author went on to add some very hilarious insight in the differences between men and women when it comes to morning sex. I definitely encourage you to give the post a read if you haven’t already.
So I’ve been single for a while now. I can’t even remember the last time I had morning sex. But, as I commented on the blog post I personally have a rule with morning sex: I will not engage without having brushed my teeth and washed my face, and I ask the same of my partner.
Because, as the meme states, there is no bigger turn-off than breath that makes ones eyes water. The last relationship(s) that I can recall where morning sex was on the menu, I would wake up, and go wash my face and brush my teeth. In those events that no toothbrush was available, I would at least swish some mouthwash, and when that was nowhere to be found in the alien room of pink pleasantry that I often find in the den of the bachelorette, I’ve been known to put toothpaste on my index finger and scrub the love around. It’s all about being courteous to your partner.
Now, it’s important to note that I put morning sex in a completely different category than “oh, woke up in the middle of the night sex”. That, on the other hand, is fair game, and a virtual free-for-all. However, as the meme mentions, there will probably be little talking and kissing involved…and eye contact.
So my assignment, which I’m late in completing, is to publish a post to my dream reader.
I find this to be a daunting task, as I’ve never had a “dream reader” in mind. I have certainly had posts that were directed at one person or another, but never really gave much thought as to who my ideal reader would be. My blog is so varied, I don’t think I could nail one down. It’s a reflection of my life, which is up and down, topsy turvy, and fast-paced.
However, as I thought more about it I suppose dating, and my search for “love” is a recurring theme in my blog.
So, I suppose this post will be in that vein. To that young lady, who would dare take a chance on a guy like me. Allow me to offer a few clarifications on who I am, what I want, and what’s going on in my mind.
First and foremost, I am a romantic. I love romance. flowers, candles, handholding, kissing, cuddling… I love all of that stuff. Let’s stay in on a Friday night, cuddling under a huge blanket, watching a movie and sipping cocoa. Let me read to you, as you lie your head on my chest, and I play with your hair. Don’t be shocked if you wake up some mornings and find me watching you sleep. I imagine you look peaceful, and serene, and occasionally I went to take that in, and appreciate that beautify and serenity as a perfect counterpoint that the world presents to us everyday.
I want us to be teammates, and best friends, as well as lovers. I think a key part of that is honesty and communication. I want to be able to tell you anything and everything, and you do the same. I find in so many relationships, both mine and others, there’s so many secrets kept. Let’s not have any. Share your thoughts, hopes, dreams, worries and frustrations with me, and I will try hard to do the same. You have a crush on a sexy new guy at work? That’s cool. Come home and tell me all about it. I’ll do the same when I develop a crush on someone at work. Then we can use that fire, excitement, and tension to make our relationship hotter, which brings me to my next point…
…I love sex… and you should too. I’m extremely comfortable in my sexuality, and yes, you should be too. I’m extremely heterosexual, but I’m open to you exploring whatever it is that you feel you need to explore. I personally think that monogamy is an unnatural impulse at the least, and a time bomb waiting to happen at the most, but I have no problem being in a monogamous relationship, especially if it is for you.
You aren’t my first love. I have had several in my life before you came along, and I don’t want to have to lie to you about that either. I’d love to share some of those stories with you. I’d love to hear yours too. I wanna tell you about the women who broke my heart, as well as the lessons they taught me. All of those stories will have brought me to you.
I have tons of weaknesses. I have strange insecurities sometimes. I have quirks. I think life should be lived for joy, and passion, and not for money and security, so sometimes that brings a tumultuous nature to my life, and yes, sometimes I may need you to be a voice of reason and grounding, but sometimes I want you to push me…to live…to find my joy, and I want to share all of that with you. I want us to push each other, to be better people, in all facets of life.
Finally, you have to enter into this relationship knowing that I have a mistress, and her name is Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. She is beautiful and exciting, and she does many of the same things for me that you do. I’d love for us to all get together for a 3-way, but if you’ re not interested, know that I will give you both equal time.
And in a nutshell… that’s me. That’s us.
And to end this aimless diatribe, let me share two songs that I’d like us to dance to together sometime. Enjoy!
Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to find the above video on Youtube, so I included a link to the video on Facebook, which you all may or may not be able to view. So, allow me to offer you a brief synopsis:
A female Applebee’s employee with an attractive physical form (her face is blocked by a black bar) is outside her place of employment handing out coupons for a drink special they are having. A guy, modestly dressed, definitely a bit geeky, approaches her. He appears to be nice, intelligent (mentions a fact about the heat that he read in the days paper), and respectful. He compliments her and asks her if he can have her phone number. The next thing you hear is the resounding thud as he is shot out of the sky after several attempts, even offering just to take her out as friends.
So, up comes another guy, nowhere near as smartly dressed, and starts off the conversation with
“Yo, what’s good ma?”
From there he’s skinning and grinning, complimenting her “Does the free drink come with you? You teasing me ma! You look good. You look as good as a drumstick.”
So, he proceeds to entice her up the street to a secluded spot, where they exchange a few kisses, and finally end with a handjob, where he nearly entices her to lick the tip.
LICK THE TIP?!?!?!?!?
So, after busting in her hand, the guy takes off his sunglasses and do rag, revealing he’s the geeky guy from earlier. He then tells her she’s been exposed as a shallow, crazy chick who wouldn’t give her number to a nice guy, but will beat off a thug.
Now, I have no idea if the video is authentic or staged. Nor do I know it’s origin, but I do know it’s real, because I’ve fucking lived it.
I like to think of myself s a pretty nice guy. I have my faults, dear lord do I have faults. But I always try my best to treat those around me with respect, especially women. And no, I’m not always successful, but it’s something I strive for.
And in the past, I have been accused by women I was getting acquainted with that I was “too nice.”
Well excuse me for not asking you to beat me off between the salad and the main course.
I’ve also seen guys, some of them uncouth, some of them downright dirtbags approach the exact same women, with astounding success.
I’ve even done. I’ve put a couple of drinks in, and set out to just be that dude that I pretty much hate, and before you know it, the women are begging to go home with you.
Hmm… after a while, you have to start to believe the trend, and perhaps offer a moment of silence to the nice guy.
We may not be the most fashion forward individuals. We may not even be dripping with sex appeal and machismo… but hot damn it, we’ve got charisma, and we’re nice… and nice ain’t half bad.
- We won’t cheat on you.
- We won’t hit on your friends behind your back.
- We will treat you with dignity, honor, and respect, and as an equal, and not a possession or commodity.
I simply think about the women I KNOW and the tales of douchebaggery I’VE HEARD, and it boggles my mind.
And I’m the single one.
Well, that is probably for the best, because tomfoolery and I shall not be bedmates…
…SHALL NOT BE BEDMATES!!!
So guys, have you noticed this trend as well?
Ladies, have you found yourself passing up on “nice guys” to date a “bad boy”, or a nice “fixer-upper” of a guy?
I love those moments when someone says the things you are thinking I your head perfectly… or provides you with a perspective that truly clarifies an outlook for you.
Dan Savage often does that for me.
Let me start by saying that if you don’t listen to The Savage Lovecast, you should. It’s a podcast version of Dan’s advice column, Savage Love. There are 2 versions of it, the micro (free, 49 minutes with ads) and the magnum (paid, 82 minutes without ads). I will one Da subscribe, but for now I’m stuck with the micro version. However, it’s a great, insightful show.
Anyway, recently Dan commented on the whole nude photo scandal including Jennifer Lawrence and a slew of other celebrities. I wholeheartedly agree with his opinion, and think he made some fabulous points.
- It’s horrible that they’re privacy was invaded.
- Fuck those people who say you shouldn’t take naked pictures of yourself if you don’t want them spread around. It’s not like they were sharing them, their phones and such were hacked and their privacy invaded.
- We have a sick relationship with celebrities, it’s a combo platter of lust and resentment, which is one of the reasons we punish pornstars (while the porn industry is one of the single biggest money-making industries in the United States might I remind you) and we sometimes delight in seeing celebrities fall and fail.Dan explores this point further and I advise you check it out.
- Furthermore, it will be a great day when we all have “dirty” pictures online. The human body is beautiful; the naked form is beautiful and should be celebrated. It’s not something that should be hidden, and shamed. It will be a great time when someone can play “gotcha” with this kind of shit.
Oh, I have a dick? And you saw it?
I sext, and you found out?
Why yes, I have recorded sexual encounters, and no it’s not a big deal.
It’s a pretty ridiculous, and a huge fuck you to those who shamed the victims of this incident rather than the hackers. I’m also sharing a video that a friend sent me. I thin it relates well to this topic of unhealthy sexual outlook that we harbor in our society.
Grow the fuck up…
…and puritans eat my snatch.
the state of abstaining from marriage and sexual relations.“his brother’s priestly vow of celibacy”I’ve decided to be celibate. Well, more accurately, I am abstaining from sex…and sexual activity…that includes masturbation.Often, when people decide to become celibate, people either assume it’s either for religious regions, or the person is an addict. Neither reason applies to me.I do love sex though…a lot. I suppose this will be my own personal Lent. Sometimes I think you have to give up something to find clarity. As I’ve dived back into the dating pool, I feel like sex can muddle things. I definitely still feel that sex is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship, but while I’m single, I think I want to take some time to be sex free.The last time I abstained from sex, I went 15 months. In the meantime, the person I was dating dumped me, but I felt like it was a good turn for me. I remember one night sitting with some friends, and a young lady placing her hand on my leg…the electricity that shot across my skin, the way I could so clearly smell her perfume, and notice the subtleties of her beauty, and her form…and oddly enough, my mind was more stuck on these things, and not just “sex” in the normal sense of the term.I think about all the energy I spend thinking about sex, or engaging in sex (not nearly as much as you may think, I mean, I am sexy as hell and all…LOL), and now perhaps I’ll be able to spend that energy in other ways, while rediscovering deeper connections with the women I meet. I know the first month is going to be hellacious, but after that, it’ll be fine…right?Can grown men still have nocturnal emissions?
So, I’ve found myself thinking over this topic the past few days. Well, allow me to explain…
A few weeks back, I had a one-night stand.
Now, I feel no shame at this revelation. The woman was beautiful, and no money was exchanged, in fact…
…IT WAS AMAZING!!!
It was a perfect example of physical intimacy with someone that you have deep emotional attachment to. It just takes that physical pleasure to another level.
I’ve known the young lady in question for years now. I’m pretty sure I can honestly say that I love her…Or should i say, I’m in love with her. Actually, a few years back we got into this long deep conversation about feelings and I told her the way I felt. I even recounted the moment that I first felt those emotions.
It was the Christmas season. She was home alone sick, so I went by to check on her and lift her spirits a bit. She came to the door in a robe and slippers, looking five shades of pathetic. But I got her smiling and laughing, and as we parted, we hugged and she thanked me, and I thought,
“I am so in love with this woman.” A perfect mix of charm, intelligence and beauty.
Since then we’ve kissed a few times, and as she has lamented one failed relationship after another, I’ve occasionally said “if we were dating, you wouldn’t be having these issues.”
…and so we goes. And suddenly, we slept together. There was alcohol involved. It started out with making out, and then we were on the couch…and then we were in the bedroom…and then she was pushing me back onto the bed…and then…
The next morning I woke up and went to the washroom. When I came out, she was up. I layed down with her and we spooned. We then spooned on the couch after attempting at making espresso, but finding we were slightly hungover.
The cuddling was great. Now, I am a firm believer in addressing the elephant in the room before it pisses on something…
“So wow, we slept together, and I for one thought it was fabulous. Was it ok, or am I going to be a punchline to your friends?
What else is there to say? I’ve never been good at subtlety.
Now this isn’t my first one night stand, nor is it the first time I’ve had sex with a friend. They are not common practices for me at this juncture, but I do have a rather colorful past.
This is however, officially, the first time that the other participant was a complete jerk about the situation.
“It’s just awkward” she said.
Since then, I’ve asked her out to dinner and such, and have been blown off at every twist and turn.
So, this evening I’m going to an event that we were supposed to hang out together at. There’s a possibility that I might see her.
In my mind, we’re not even friends anymore. I can deal with a lot of things, but shady folks is not one of them.
Ultimately, I will chalk this up to an experience had, another lesson learned, and an offered perspective on a situation I’ve never seen before.
My next one night stand is gonna be with a stranger. :-p
Well, the great debate has been settled. New porn site Paint Bottle (No, I am not including a link…google it perv!) recently released a survey that undoubtedly ends the debate with a resounding
Yes, the Internet is for Porn!
Number of visitors on the porn web site is greater than the combined visitor at Netflix, Inc. (NASDAQ:NFLX), Amazon.com, Inc. (NASDAQ:AMZN) and Twitter, the data revealed. As per the data, Netflix, Inc. (NASDAQ:NFLX) gets 46 million unique monthly visitors while Amazon.com, Inc. (NASDAQ:AMZN) and Twitter get 110 million and 160 million respectively. Porn sites get about 450 million unique monthly visitors.
Of the visitors on the porn sites, 70 percent are men while only 30 percent are women visitors, reveals the data. The survey further tells that on an average a visitor spends 12 minutes on a porn site and an average viewer visits 7.5 times per month.
I don’t know if everyone I know watches porn, but I do know that the ones that don’t are the odd men out. 😉
For a single person, a wedding invite is a precarious situation based on ones outlook on life…particularly on their single life.
What situation will you be in in X months??? will you still be single, or will you have a +1 to accompany you to the big event.
Well that’s exactly what my purchasing tickets to Wine Riot was like. Would I have a special someone to take to a big 4 hour wine tasting ? Well, at the time, the event was 4 months away, and I, the eternal optimist, was sure that I would meet someone whom I would love to take with me. So, I purchased two tickets…on January 25th, at 12:22am. And life went on…
Come May 2nd, I had totally forgotten the fact that I’d purchased two tickets. So when I opened up the email, sent months before, and it said “Here are your 2 tickets to Wine Riot,” it was like a hard smack in the face.
2 tickets??? Here I am…4 months later. Single….dismally single. At that cold, hard realization, I didn’t even have the heart to attempt to find someone to take the 2nd ticket.
However, on the bright side, a friend of mine had also purchased a ticket to go to the event, and so we planned to hang together, and to enjoy 250 wines from around the world.
The event was amazing. I encourage you to go to it if it comes to your city. I was happy to have a partner to go to the event with. It definitely lifted my spirits, and made me feel much better about the evening.
And in true fashion, the evening twisted in a direction in which I’d never have imagined, when my tasting partner and I ended up on her couch drunk on wine, and in a torrid make out session…which evolved into much more than making out. The only word I can use to describe the situation from my perspective is amazing.
My life is so strange. Unfortunately, the young lady in question, when sober, has little to no romantic interest in me.
In some odd, poetic, paradoxical way, this situation is perfect. Poetic justice perhaps.
So, how many of you at some point in your love life made a mixtape for a significant other?
Remember those days? That was awesome. For those of you with bad memories, or who lived much of your life living under a rock, or you still smell of Similac, here is the offiicial definition of a mixtape that we will use to move forward in this discussion:
A mixtape, which usually reflects the musical tastes of its compiler, can range from a casually selected list of favorite songs, to a conceptual mix of songs linked by a theme or mood, to a highly personal statement tailored to the tape’s intended recipient. Essayist Geoffrey O’Brien has called the personal mix tape “the most widely practiced American art form”, and many mix tape enthusiasts believe that by carefully selecting and ordering the tracks in a mix, an artistic statement can be created that is greater than the sum of its individual songs.
Source: Wikipedia: Mix Tape
Once upon a time, if you really liked a girl (I’m going to assume that women also dived into the mixtape medium), you would make her a mixtape. Basically, it could be a mix of songs that made you think of her, or perhaps songs that you hoped made her think of you (insert Ludacris’ “Sex Room” here please). In any case, as explained above, the mixtape was more than just a gathering of songs, it was a romantic statement (not always romantic, but it sure was a great addition to flowers and/or candy on Valentine’s Day…and don’t even get me started on the advent of Garageband and similar music recording software where you could use the software to put your own commentary or voice on the mixtape as well), that transcended the simple individual songs, and that could serve as a wonderful memory.
So, why am I talking about mixtapes? Good question. Well, about 2 weeks ago, an old friend of mine, an ex-girlfriend, shot me the following message:
“I am using Spotify now. WHERE’S MY MIXTAPE?????”
to which I replied,
“Want me to make you a mixtape? What’s the theme?
“You missing me.”
I thought it was a cute theme. Now this young lady in question, we’ve remained in decent contact over the years. I haven’t seen her in the closer part of a decade, but we will talk periodically, and bring each other up to speed on the ins and outs of life. So, that was a pretty easy theme to follow, because she is definitely quite the memorable young lady.
While rather rare for most of my friends (I attribute this to weed smoking in my college days), I can still remember exactly where and how I met this y0ung lady.
Now, you have to picture this young lady in your mind. Very athletic build. Long blond hair. Deep blue eyes. Very beautiful face, and an amazing figure. I remember she was wearing all black. I noticed her as she was lightly rebuffing this guy in a club, or that’s at least how it appeared. I don’t quite recall if I had wandered to where she was, or if she’d wandered to where I was, but I just realized I was standing about 5 feet away from a very beautiful woman.
I also distinctly remember that she didn’t smile….at all…for no reason. When I asked her to dance, she simply nodded, and she looked extremely uninterested in just about anything around her. After dancing (and I’m not much of a dancer, so the uninterested look on her face made it even more painful), I asked her to have a drink with me.
I recall her being rather silent, and giving very sparse answers to just about every bit of idle conversational banter I had to offer…and then I asked her to dinner. As I recall, this was the first significant reaction I got from her. She looked a little confused, and asked me what I’d said. I said something along the lines of “Me, you, dinner, maybe candles, maybe a walk after, maybe even ending with a goodnight kiss.”
I remember her saying something along the lines of “You’re the first guy I met in a club to ask me out to dinner.”
Well yeah, I’m weird, this in today’s world is common knowledge.
From there, I’m not sure how a relationship ensued, but it did.
The young lady was amazing. A perfect combo of intelligent, cute, funny, sexy, aloof, involved, and detached. I remember once I was doing some work on my computer, and she said “come cuddle with me”, to which I said “Give me a few more minutes.”
Next thing I knew, she called me, and I spun around, to see her in a see through tank top, with her jeans pushed down low to show her matching see through thong, in a very sexy position looking at a picture on my wall. Needless to say she got my immediate attention.
However, beyond all of that, I really liked her. I liked the way I felt with her. That’s what relationships and love are all about isn’t it? How that other person makes you feel, and the desire to reciprocate that sentiment, or feeling, or emotion?
Eventually, the relationship reached it’s end. I don’t exactly know why, but I can firmly say that I was dumped. C’est la vie.
But as we discussed this mixtape, we began discussing the past, and I mentioned how she crossed my mind often at times, and how I considered her very important in my evolution.
How? Well, in all honesty, I was completely enamored of this young lady. but, I wasn’t ready for the type of commitment I wanted with her. That’s probably as strange a comment to read as it is to write, but it’s the most honest way I can think to put it.
But isn’t that how life is? You meet that perfect person…but it isn’t the right time? Not the right place? You’re not the right color? Not the right religion? Don’t have the right background?
I continued to tell her how that knowledge was a starting off point for me though, for me to become who I wanted to be.
We began to talk a bit about how we’ve both changed, and how we both find ourselves at points that we probably never would have guessed or imagine.
And so, the next day, I set forth to making a mixtape. A mixtape that could sum up many of the thoughts that went through my head when I thought of this young lady.
- You And Me – Lifehouse
- Weekend Love – Dwele
- Say Yes – Floetry
- One Week – Barenaked Ladies
- Butterflies – Floetry
- Now You’re Gone (More Than I Can Feel) – Floetry
- Symphonie – Silbermond
- Jigga, Jigga! – Scooter
- Brennende Liebe Feat. L’ame Immortelle – Oomph
- If I was a bird – Floetry
- My hands are shaking – Sondre Lerche
- Powerful – Skye
- Never Dreamed You’d Leave In Summer – Stevie Wonder
- Rock With You – Michael Jackson
- Sex Room – Ludacris, Trey Songz
- A Long Walk – Jill Scott
- Brighter Than Sunshine – Aqualung
- Beautiful And Strange – Mudvayne
- You Don’t Know Me – Michael Buble
- She Said (Remix) (Feat. The Pharcyde) – Jay Dee aka J-Dilla
So, why did I think this was blog worthy? Because I sat and thought about it, and listened to the songs, and it reminded me perfectly of the deep sentimentality that I possess, and that I often try to hide or deny…but that becomes easier to show with each passing day. That is how I know that I’m at a perfect place for something new, interesting, long term…something real.
While I could only wish and dream that my path crossed again with this particular young lady, her memory and her friendship, reminds me that I’m pretty close to the goal to which her companionship set me upon; to be the guy who is ready when I meet that perfect woman…and yeah, I’m pretty damn awesome!
Also…I know how to have a really good time:
Also, while authoring this post, I came across the following book:
Click on the picture to see a brief synopsis of the book. It’s on my to-read list! Nice to know I’m not the only one who thinks mixtapes are significant.